..:: Realization ::.

Perhaps it's the bit of wine I drank, or the bleach I've breathed in while cleaning, or maybe it's the fact that I helped a friend close one chapter of her life only to begin another, but realization, that has been brewing for quite some time, finally hit home. I spent the evening helping Miss Katy Kat clean out her old place. A place where we spent many a night prefuncing, chatting about life/boys, listening to different brands of music and pretty much dealing with shit that twenty (& 30)-something singles deal with. She has since closed that chapter and I remain. I am not alone in my endless quandaries, but realizations have finally taken hold. I feel like I'm a baby bird who has been shown the ropes and I'm finally ready to leave the nest. I have finally come up with new plans and new goals for my life. I was literally knocked into reality Thanksgiving night and I've had some time to think. I've been doing a lot of reading, going to lectures (Trudell was amazing) and I saw the movie What the #?@>!%*& do we know? on Sunday which definitely hit the nail on the head. I am meant for greater things! I've been complacent in my actions and my life... I've been distracting myself with partying and boys so that I wouldn't have to deal with the question of, "What Next?" Well, now I know.

I drove around after dropping off Katy Kat with her final belongings. It was amazing! Whenever I have a lot on my mind, a good drive around really helps me deal with myself and thoughts. It seems as if people become so distracted with the patterns of their lives: get up, go to work, deal with shit at work, eat meals, come home, deal with home ordeals, lose yourself in mindless television, perhaps call a couple of people, eat meals, perhaps drink a beer, perhaps read before bed, make sure the alarm is set, rinse and repeat. Why get caught up in patterns? Why not stop and take an objective look at your life? Are you where you want to be? If not, where do you want to be? What will it take to get you from point A to point B? It comes down to those questions! Life is about building upon points A to points B to actually achieve ultimate happiness or Maslow's self actualization! I've always wanted to live in a bigger city and I always created obstacles for myself: I had a significant other, I wanted to be here for my grandmas, I needed to graduate, I needed to get more job experience... yadda fuckin' yadda! We will always have excuses for ourselves or reasons for not making the "next step" - in the words of Gwen Stefani:

Naturally I'm worried if I do it alone. Who really cares cause it's your life you never know it could be great. Take a chance 'cause you might grow. What you Waiting For? (tick tock) (Take a chance you stupid ho)

People ask the endless question, "What's the meaning of life?" Since I was a child, I would ponder this question until it hit me - time. Time is neverending and the only constant is change... change can only occur because time passes. Like a damn cat chasing its tale - ah well. Ignore me... I am that strange bird labeled by Blue Suede Coat and his dear friend. I'll find some mindless fodder to fill in the blanks so these thoughts won't. Anyone who happens to read this - I dare you to step outside yourself/current situation and look at you and your life as a third person. What do you see?

Teeter Totter Fodder

Last night, I had the chance to open my mind and soak in the cruel realities that exist for other peoples. Rather than lay back and accept the conditions pushed upon his people by the government, a man named John Trudell stood up and said, "Fuck No!" Went to watch an amazing documentary which powerfully stated what this man did, his thoughts, and his journey through life. The best part of the evening was the question and answer segment with John. I just sat in awe as I tried to absorb his words. The stupid, stoned fuck with the dumbass questions started to piss me off; that accompanied by someone clipping their fingernails, about had me on the edge but I let it go. Watching documentaries like that and hearing people speak on what enflames them to rise up and take action, really makes me think long and hard. There are so many causes out there to fight for, but what makes a person give up their life to fight for what they believe in? Giving up their life could be taken literally or figuratively. One thing Trudell repeatedly stated was the fact that we need to learn to use our intelligence and be clear and coherent in all we do in a concise manner - we shouldn't let ourselves get caught up in the distractions which could affect our abililty to use our intelligence. It was interesting to note that a lot of people there seemed to be looking to Trudell for the answers and the next steps of what they needed to do with their lives. There are no answers - everybody has got to find out for themselves. Pretty awesome to hear the film got accepted by the Sundance Film festival.

See Saw
Hit the Lux after attending the night with Trudell. A major contrast, but needed a drinky poo and we had to kill some time until midnight - when the new Gwen Stefani cd went on sale :-) While sitting at the bar and talking with girlies, Miss Katy Kat decided to get a male perspective on my past situation with Blue Suede Coat. The drunk dude next to her obliged and he came up with the most profound and perfect analogy for relationships that I was totally floored! He said that you should look at a relationship as a teeter totter: you're on one end and your partner on the other end. In order to keep things going, both people need to be giving equally and putting forth equal effort. If one person senses the other is giving way too much or way too less - they're going to get off the ride and join the playground activities until they see a better openning on another teeter totter. I realized that I've been holding back on putting forth any effort because I don't want to deal with them walking away - but that's unfair to the other person. Definitely got the wheels turning on that one.

Side Note: I was a bit apprehensive when Miss Elle's ex walked into the bar. I was unsure if she should let things alone or approach the man. I was leaning more towards, "Leave it alone," but that's what makes her and I different. I'm really glad she was able to get things off her mind and let him know how she really felt. In the end, I take back the "leave it alone" attitude - it's really healthy to let another person know how you feel so that they realize that their actions are not isolated and in fact, other people can get hurt. Way to go Elle!!

Revenge is Often Bittersweet

Last night was an awesome night out with Miss Elle Boogie. We headed down to the Lux after 9ish to brace ourselves for the tuneage provided by Psyche Origami. The pre-show had a good vibe and the people watching was UNBELIEVABLE!! Elle and I about had seizures from all the interesting people and situations. The Lux has Pyramid's Snowcap on tap, so I veered from my usual Bloody and delved into the yummy winter ale as Elle and I felt the beat of the tunes. Something I could have definitely done WITHOUT was the old, long-haired weirdo who slimed up to our table and after some harmless time there he turned to me (as I groaned) and said, "Come and dance with me, my baby." My instant reply: "I'm not your baby!" Then Elle and I convinced him there were plenty of his "babies" located out on the dance floor; AWAY from us. Luckily he took the hint and we didn't have to call in the forces :-)

They're Out There

UFO Man Comes to Boise
This headline blared at me Sunday afternoon as I was perusing the Boise Weekly. Read the article and figured this would be an interesting lecture to attend on a Monday evening. I had to cancel my plethora of dates to attend, but I will consider those losses worth it ;-) This guy was a very knowledgeable orator who presented his material based on interviews he'd conducted with reputable, retired Air Force officers AND documents that he's gotten from the U.S. government through the Freedom of Information Act. He was very careful not to make bogus claims that his (or other well-known sources in the field) research could not support. The crowd was definitely an interesting mix of peeps. I had mentioned this event to my old school chum L.M. and he ended up attending as well. It would have been nice to compare notes afterward, but he had to go. An interesting point made by the speaker, Robert Hastings, was that each of the documented incidents where Air Force personal experience sitings of "colored discs with flashing lights" - there were nuclear weapons present. And each time when the objects were close by, they would hover over where the weapons were located and the weapons would malfunction - even though they were located underground. Hastings said it was of his opinion that there are beings out there who realized the human race is creating its own eventual demise by owning weapons which could literally wipe out the masses. By causing the weapons to malfunction, they are "wagging their fingers at us" and warning us, "Hey human fuckers... you're playing with fire and you better STOP!" I liked that point of view. There is no reason for any nation to own nuclear weapons or weapons of mass destruction. I find it quite interesting that our dear Mr. President spouts off warnings of other countries owning WMD, yet we have many sitting in our own backyard. I'm glad I got a chance to hear Hastings and found his lecture to be very thought-provoking.

Politique: History does Repeat Itself

"A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the mean time we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt … If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are the stake." - Thomas Jefferson to John Taylor, June 4, 1798.

Ohio... the new Florida?

The above title was a phrase I heard as the Democratic party winded down last night. I went down to the Democratic Party hq to watch the election results with my people and the night was filled with excitement, victory over a repub male, and female camaraderie. The question was posed, "What are we going to do if we have to have another 4 years of that man?" "What type of changes could we implement?" There was a group of strong women to address these questions and various solutions arose.

- There's always Canada... Let's see - Quebec, British Columbia... Elle contended this would be an even better option once the NHL lockout ends
- As strong democratic women (okay, most of us are moderates), we refuse to sleep with men who are Republican. Why give the other party the benefit of our "goods"?!?
- Then there's always the option of "Sluts for Kerry" - we would use our womanly wiles to seduce and convert men from the other side

The night went late, but I was glad to be a part of the democratic process yesterday and share last night with like-minded people. Good to run into Cindy Lou, Brotha Eaton/M. Eaton, Sena, fire dude who shared his secret stash of good beer with me, etc. etc. For now, I will sit and wait for the outcome. I'm both sickened and appalled that the Bushmeister is already claiming victory without all the polls being counted. I would be double-sickened if Kerry wins the popular vote and the Bushy wins the electoral college. That would be two times too many for an old system (which should have been trashed after the last election) to overrule the voice of the people.